


I'm Yours

by handaramjwisung



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: First Meetings, Fluff, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, banghan rely on each other and i think thats cute :c, chans always the captain, exploring dynamics lets do this, i have absolutely no clue why i wrote this tbh, mentions of the elimination oof touchy subject, my fingers just kept tapping n i was like oh well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 14:44:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16578503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handaramjwisung/pseuds/handaramjwisung
Summary: Chan finds his strength in Jisung.





	I'm Yours

**Author's Note:**

> hi friends!! i'm back with another banghan fic so uhh no surprise ahkjshdskdh i was kind of trying to practice my writing style but it got messy towards the end aaaa

Bang Chan had always been fond of the younger members of their ragtag group of misfits turned band. They always seemed to have a glow innocence about them. Sparkle dust glinting in their eyes when struck by the artificial glow of the practice room lights. Their youngest especially so. Jeongin's littlest actions caused every fibre of Chan's body to buzz with the overwhelming need to protect him. Similarly with Felix. When the boy stumbled over hard-to-pronounce Korean words or did not feel competent enough to be with the dance line, Chan is always willing to lend a shoulder to cry on. With Hyunjin and Seungmin, although the two boys towered over him, Chan's current favourite past-time is pulling the obnoxiously tall boys to his chest and squishing the life out of them. They are too loveable to resist. And their hearts are too filled with love to deny him either.

However, things are a little more complicated with a certain Han Jisung. After people like BamBam and Yugyeom stepped out of his life, going on with debut, Han Jisung stepped in. All bright smiles and squirrel like tendencies. The boy seemed to good to be true. Without Chan's permission, the younger boy latched onto his side and his heart, tagging along with him everywhere until Chan relented and agreed to help him better his rap techniques. 

By then even Jihyo had taken notice of the clingy boy, eyebrows quirking up in confusion when Chan plonked opposite her at the cafeteria. "Where's your little shadow?" she asked teasingly, nibbling at her cherry tomato. Chan eyed her plate decorated sparsely with a few green leaves in disgust. God, idol diets were the worst.

"He's sick today," Chan comments nonchalantly, fork poking hesitantly at the dry chicken breast on his plate. He flashes a reassuring smile at the older girl, although he's sure its more for himself, pretending a Jisung sized hole does not exist by his side and in his heart. Chan takes a bite of the chicken breast and grimaces, it tasted like cardboard. He takes a chug of water to swallow the horrible taste down. Chan sighs dejectedly, eyes staring off into space. The younger boy always made meal times fun and at least made the flavourless meals more tolerable. 

Chan pretends his heart doesn't flutter wildly when the younger boy perks up in surprise when he visits him in the trainee dorms later that day. He pretends that the Jisung tugging him down to rest on the bed and just talk doesn't make his palms sweat. He pretends that the unusual warmth of the younger boy fitted right to his side didn't send a wave of worry washing over him. He's just an empath, Chan's brain argues but that does nothing to settle Chan's uneasiness as he brushes Jisung's sweaty bangs off his forehead. There's too many confusing emotions and he doesn't like it. 

Chan remembers being slightly hesitant on welcoming other people into their duo. The pain and feeling of abandonment leaves a bitter taste in his mouth as he recalls the ease in which his previous trainees left. Either giving up their dream and giving up their friendship with Chan in the process or leaving him to walk on the lustrous road of debut and success. Chan remembers thinking about this while sitting down on the worn couch in the practice room. Chan startles slightly when he feels a cool circular object being pressed into his open palm. 

The sharp sound of the lollipop wrapper crinkling as it is being opened resonates throughout the room. Jisung's head finds itself against a familiar spot, resting against the crook of Chan's neck. His fist is curled up above Chan's chest and Chan is afraid. Afraid of change. Afraid of Jisung finding out the meaning behind his rapidly beating heart and hating him forever. 

But as Chan opens his mouth to speak, no words manage to escape. All of them caught and tangled in his throat, a twisted vine of messy emotions longing to come out but it just can't. So Chan just shoves the sugary treat into his mouth, some of the prior bitterness bleeding out as tension in Chan's torso, the older boy relaxing comfortably against Jisung's hold. 

"They aren't that bad you know. Actually feeling emotions," the younger boy comments, the tang of teenage awkwardness absent from his tone, replaced by one of sombreness. And that's when Chan realises that Jisung isn't just some little kid. The younger boy had the uncanny ability to strip down everything bare to the bone, leaving Chan's emotions bare and exposed against the white of the overhead fluorescent lights. Chan had told the younger nothing about his feelings, promising himself to seal his mouth, unable to even imagine placing the burden of his struggles on the younger boys' still narrow shoulders.

Jisung always manages to find out anyway, wiggling through the crevices of Chan's dark mind and offering warm hugs and advice in return.

"What if they leave me?" Chan asks and grimaces at the way his voice cracks. But its sweet, sweet, summer sweet Jisung whose heart knows no bounds and blooms out as delicately as the petals of a Sakura flower, petals reaching out to soothe Chan's heart as the younger boy holds him tightly. Refusing to let go of the pieces. Chan lets himself break down in the younger boys' arms, his fear of being abandoned all raw and blotchy but Jisung holds on even tighter.

"Even if they leave you, I'll still be here," Jisung says, staring deeply into his eyes and sincerity spilling over and bubbling eagerly and all so Jisung. The younger boy takes a deep breath and continues, "Chan hyung, I promise to never leave you."

The moment is intimate and raw. Both their hearts bleeding as they gripped onto each other, a silent promise to be each other's rock. 

Soon their family grows from three to four and suddenly to nine and Chan feels as if they're complete. Its not as if there's any struggles. Every time a new addition comes in, irrational worries plague Chan's heart and mind. Without fail on the nights where it gets too much, Chan feels a warm body curling up next to him in bed, rubbing comforting circles into his back. The boy links his smaller fingers with Chan's tightly, whispering, "I'll never leave you, hyung." 

They fall asleep like that, hands entwined and warm breaths mingling. Jisung's coconut scented hair slightly tickling Chan's neck. Nobody questions this when morning comes and one of the other members come to wake him up. Chan has heard them chalking it up to them being naturally affectionate or a Chan or Jisung thing as they both have been trainees the longest. 

Honestly, Chan finds himself grasping helplessly at straws when he is faced with it. They never labelled it. Chan is sure Felix is Jisung's best friend and the painful thought of merely being considered an older brother to Jisung crosses his mind. Undoubtedly, what they have is so uniquely them. The scent of coconut and the cool sea breeze in Australia merging to become one.

Chan is devastated when they lose Felix and Minho. He was the captain of the ship and he left two members of his crew to drown while he just stood there watching. Large, thunderous waves crashed against the hull of the boat, waves upon waves of guilt drowning him as he allows panic to rise in his chest. What if he loses the other members too? On those nights, no words were exchanged between the two, only soft gasps and broken sobs. Jisung's hold on him tightened, refusing to let the captain of their ship sink into the deep unforgiving ocean. Chan grasps at the younger boy just as tightly, physically unable to let go until the pinkish hues of dawn painted the walls of the room. Neither of them slept that night.

When they are finally able to debut as nine, euphoria fills every nook and crevice of his body as he stares unbelievingly at his team. At last, they were a true family and nothing could break them apart. Chan's gaze met Jisung's and the boy smiles at him, eyes crinkling in happiness. The thudding of his heart could be heard in his ears and electricity tingled through his body where they made contact as Chan swung the other boy around in happiness. A strange feeling blossomed in his heart as he held the younger boy close, the smell of his coconut shampoo infiltrating his senses and making him dizzy. Remarkably, the younger boy seemed to incite that feeling in him without even trying.

After several late night talks with Woojin, accompanied by ridiculous amounts of fried chicken and coke, Chan can finally put a label on the feeling.

Love.

Not the parental love he has for the other members or the easy camaraderie he shares with Woojin and Changbin. Romantic love. Ideally, Chan should be happy that he finally recognises the strange swirling feeling he has had in the pit of his stomach for years and maybe he should confess to Jisung. Unfortunately, being in a rookie idol band under a large company is definitely a large factor in which prevents Chan from revealing his feelings. Also coupled with the fact that Jisung may not even reciprocate his feelings. So Chan stays silent, content with watching Jisung's happy smile from afar and revelling in all the moments when he gets to spend time with the boy.

Months fly past and the two boys are closer than ever. Chan decides he enjoys the deep flush on the apple of Jisung's cheeks if he said something slightly flirty or suggestive. The younger boy is so easily flustered and the way he pretends that he isn't makes it all the more endearing for Chan, even as he is showered with slaps from an embarrassed Jisung. Chan catches the tinge of red on his ears but says nothing.

Chan decides that producing with Jisung is bad for his heart. The two are sitting side by side on the couch in the recording studio, their shoulders brushing ever so slightly. It's late and both of them should be asleep, even Changbin had left, calling it a night. Chan had insisted on staying on to finish up on a track and Jisung wanted to write more lyrics. However, Chan knew that the younger boy had stayed back to keep an eye on him, worriedly. Chan knew he worried the other members due to his lack of sleep in favour of producing even in the early hours of the morning. Chan fought back the itching guilt at the back of his mind as he worked on completing the track.

The younger boy had given up on writing lyrics thirty minutes in and had taken to staring at Chan's face as he worked. Chan had caught him nodding off once or twice, head drooping cutely and blonde locks falling to cover his eyes before the younger boy startles back awake, eyes blinking cutely. Chan thinks that Jisung looks absolutely adorable.

Chan, can sense the younger boys' pout growing on his face, impatient to return back to the dorms. "Channie hyung lets gooo," the younger boy whines cutely before burying his face in his shoulder, arms coming around to wrap around his waist naturally. Chan tries to fight back the blush on his cheeks as he is hyperaware of the Jisung's lips ghosting above the sensitive skin of his neck. The emotions he felt for Jisung was all consuming, his head and heart in turmoil as he tries to reassure himself that the younger boy is just being clingy due to the lack of sleep. Chan's mind spins and he barely remembers anything except him collapsing into his warm and inviting bed.

Except something significant must have happened because from that day on, Jisung starts ignoring him. The sudden change from having the younger boys' undivided attention to barely crumbles of it gives Chan whiplash. Chan's heart squeezes painfully when the younger boy avoids his touches and gaze like the plague when before he was always the one to initiate cuddles. Chan pretends like it doesn't hurt to see Jisung acting casually with the other members, even starting up a brand of platonic kissing with Minho. He pretends that he doesn't see Woojin's worried gaze on him as he seems to deflate more and more each day that Jisung does not acknowledge his existence. 

In the end all he is good for is pretending, just like back in his trainee days. Chan finds himself being thrown back to square one, Jisung not even looking back.

Chan catches himself staring longingly at Jisung, the computer screen in front of him blinking out from unuse, track uncompleted. A common occurrence these days. Chan's heart does a little flip when he hears Jisung's giggles, high-pitched and oh so familiar. He sees the blonde boy pressing his lips against Minho's cheeks as if in slow motion. Chan can't tear his eyes away, his heart tragically masochistic. Chan is in a daze. Far off in his mind, Chan hears a resounding crack, and then a chip in his heart. However, the thunderous sound of a hard cover copy of Ikigai slamming against the plastic table is very much real. It makes everyone in the room jump and stare at Woojin who was uncharacteristically fuming.

"You" Chan's eyes go cross-eyed trying to stare at the finger pointing at his face, "and you." Jisung looks down abashedly.

"Go sort your shit out. The rest of us are going to get some chicken, I'm treating!" Woojin instructs. Everyone except Chan and Jisung quickly complies. The oldest boy rarely used his age as authority over them and when he did, everyone knew not to stand in his way. Especially if they were getting free chicken out of it.

The silence is suffocating. Chan's fingers come up to loosen the constricting grip of his turtleneck, suddenly alike a vice grip. Chan stares at the younger boys' figure, looking pathetically small against the large couch. The younger boy curls in on himself, resting his head on his knees. Chan fights the burning need that courses deep through his veins to hug the younger boy and never let go, the distance between them too close yet too far all at the same time. It is this distance that makes Chan break.

"You promised not to leave me, yet you did anyways," Chan's words come out icy cold and cutting. He immediately regrets it, seeing Jisung's head fly up, eyes glassy with tears as he shakes his head wildly.

"Please no, I didn't mean to hyung," Jisung pleads, his entire body shaking like a leaf.

"Then how do you explain you ignoring me when you knew what I feared the most," Chan rebuts, betrayal colouring his tone. His body practically vibrates with all the pent-up emotions he had kept repressed, all flowing out uncontrollably now. 

"That day, do you remember what you did?" Jisung suddenly questions. Chan is scared. He used to be able to read the younger boy like an open book, his favourite book, but now the younger boy sounds so closed off that the fear of losing him forever increased tenfold in Chan's heart.

"What day please be more specific?" Chan asks desperately, he wants his Jisung back.

"That one night at the studio. Y-you kissed me," Jisung reveals, voice shaking. Chan freezes as shock flows through him, rendering him immobile. When had he ever done that?

"You kissed me and then you left me," Jisung continues to drop bombs onto Chan's conflicted heart. Chan's head spins merely from trying to process this new information.

"Jisung-ah, I'm going to be honest with you. I don't really remember anything from that night. I think I crashed from the caffeine or something," Chan admits embarrassedly, panicking when he sees the corners of Jisung's lips turn down even more, and the boy looked close to crying.

The gears in Chan's head finally starts turning and his limbs move on his own accord, quickly making his way to the younger boy. When Chan finally has the smaller boy safely tucked in his arms, Chan lets out a breath of relief. It was like a breath of fresh air, being in physical contact with the younger again.

The younger boy continues to tremble in Chan's hold, and Chan feels helpless. He is unable to do anything but soothe the blonde haired boy. He attempts to place a soothing kiss on the golden crown on Jisung's head. He is undoubtedly confused when the younger boy flinches away from his touch, as if it was poison. _Ouch._

"Does this mean that you didn't mean it? The kiss?" Jisung manages to warble out. Chan hates seeing tears trail down the other's fluffy cheeks and he hates being the cause of it even more.

Chan will do anything in his power to get the younger boy to smile again.

"Jisung-ah me forgetting about the situation doesn't make my feelings for you any less valid. I kissed you because I like you Sungie," Chan blurts out, the sudden burst of confidence arising out of his overwhelming need to make the smaller boy to just believe him.

The younger boy seems to be in disbelief, shaking his head. Chan presses on determinedly, "You're my rock. I trust you and I love you."

Chan lifts the smaller boy's chin slightly to look straight into his red rimmed eyes, searching for the slightest sign that Jisung liked him back, even the most miniscule return of affection was enough for Chan. "Please believe me."

Jisung's breathing seems to slow, and his eyes are screwed tightly in contemplation.

Jisung opens his eyes wide, and Chan sees entire galaxies in his round orbs. Chan's heart beats rapidly in anticipation of Jisung's answer, steeling himself for the cold embrace of rejection.

Jisung slips his smaller fingers between the crooks of Chan's own and squeezes. Tightly. Chan squeezes back just as if not more tightly, hoping to translate his refusal to lose the younger boy. Never in a million years, Chan swears.

"You're my rock too. I like you a lot, more than you can imagine," Jisung whispers. Chan and the fading sun from behind the window pane are the only witnesses to his confession.

Chan can't fight the wide smile creeping onto his face. Jisung's giggles echoes throughout the dorm room as he pokes his finger into Chan's dimple.

Chan is transfixed by the beauty of the younger boy. The other never fails to make him breathless and he leaves the strong taste of wanderlust in his mouth, ready to explore a whole new world with Jisung.

Looking at the said boy, his heart brims with love and new unfamiliar feelings, not necessarily bad. It scares him, but he and Jisung are going to work it out. Together.

Bang Chan finds his home in Han Jisung and it seems in that moment, the all too familiar scent of sea salt and coconut whirl around them. It smells like home.

**Author's Note:**

> i live for crackhead comments and kudos so blease do uwu


End file.
